Don't you fry my bats!
by Semiramis-Audron
Summary: Uhm... sort of a little funny fic... Inspired by the word batty... because it somehow describes it and has bat in it... Myo loosing his bats to the WWF... Chap 3 online!
1. Trouble

"Hahahahaha Do you think you can defeat me with these pathetic little toys of yours?" Myotismon scorned at Tai and his friends. When the digi-destineds were still shocked by his power the vampire crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"GRISLY WING!" A swarm of bats emerged from his cape whizzing menacing towards the children. Greymon sent his attack onto them, burning several of the flapping bloodsuckers.

"Hey! Stop frying my bats! Or you'll get a lot of trouble!---" Myotismon snarled at the dinosaur. Suddenly from nowhere two men appeared, one in a blue business suit the other one wearing baggy yellowish-brown trousers, a fringy shirt with at least a hundred colourful beads embroidered on it and his uncombed, long dirty looking brown hair hanging loosely over his shoulder. Myotismon stemmed his fists into his side and grinned smugly at the digi-destineds.

"See! I've told you! Now you're deep in the... Well, you know what I mean!" The two man looked at the ashen rests of the bats falling to the ground, then they regarded the Digi-Destined and disapproving shook their heads. Myotismon could not withhold one of his well known arrogantly smiles, bearing his pearly white fangs. He knew, these two men would mean a lot of trouble for the guys that burned his bats! Suddenly the two strangers turned their heads to Myotismon, glaring at him.

"Mr. Myotismon! We from the WWF and Greenpeace have admonished you more than once not to use these bats in fighting!" Myotismon's jaw flapped open, frantically he pointed at the digi-destineds, shouting.

"W-WHAT? BUT THEY BROWNED THEM, NOT ME! THAT'S UNFAIR! ARE YOU BLIND YOU MEDDLESOME DOLTS?" The digi-destineds meanwhile did not understand what this 'discussion' was about...

"Mr. Myotismon, offending us will not change the fact that these peculiar bats are on the red list of endangered species!" The man in the business suit continued as the other one interrupted him.

"Yeah, man! And it's really damn uncool of you to abuse these poor little bats for your totally selfish aims, man! Ey man you should live together with your little brothers and sisters in peace man! That'll be totally groovy, old boy!" The lid of Myotismon's right eye began twitching imperceptible as the vampire frowned unnerved at this outmoded Hippy.

"My dear flower child, why don't you just go home and smoke some weed?" Myotismon hissed at him through clenched teeth.

"Or even better... Why don't you just, let the poor little weed live and instead... BITE THE DUST!" Half a second later the Hippy was separated in its middle by a razorblade like Crimson Lightning. The man in the business suit gulped intimidated.

"So, what do you want to tell me about my bats?" Terrible friendliness oozed out of Myotismon's voice.

"Ahem... Well, Mr. Myotismon you have to admit, that it will not help to save this endangered species by letting them being killed by these kids, right? So we are instructed to..." He gulped again taking all his guts together.

"To take your bats with us!" Myotismon was petrified for a split second, but then a vein on his forehead began throbbing visibly...

"I beg your pardon... What did you just say? It sounded as if you said, you would be so audacious to attempt to take my bats? Surely I must have misheard!" Myotismon gnashed his teeth while pressing the palm of his one hand against the knuckles of his other hand, producing a bully, cracking noise... Meanwhile the digi-destined had gathered in a circle discussing about what they should do now.

"We should just sneak away as long as bat-ty boy is occupied with the WWF guy!" Matt proposed and Joe agreed. The kids began carefully pussyfooting out of Myotismon's sight, when suddenly his Crimson Lightning whipped down only inches away from their feet.

"Don't you dare running away! I'm not yet finished with you!" Myotismon barked at them, then turned back to the guy from the WWF who by now had unfolded a small laptop.

"...Hey... What are you doing there? Isn't there anybody here who takes his own death serious!" Desperately the man typed some commands, sweat on his forehead, while Myotismon had already seized him at the cravat.

"Hello! Do you pathetic mortal being have ears, to listen to what your master says? Then STOP that or else!" The destineds looked at Myotismon, not sure whether they should have a second trial to escape. The man finally hit the enter key and...

It seemed that nothing had changed... Beside of the fact that Myotismon had thrown the man ten feet away and was now screaming the lungs out of his body in a very agonized sounding outcry.

"MYYYYYYYYY BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!" Tai raised an eyebrow and muttered to the others. "What's broken now? I can see no cage with bats in..." Izzy sighed explaining Tai, that Myotismon's bats still were digital bats, so obviously they'd now be in a digital cage in the man's laptop.

"You! That was THE mistake of your life!" Myotismon yelled at the man. He had pressed his right hand onto his chest as if his vampiric heart would ache because of the loss.

"Just one moment before you kill me, Mr. Myotismon!" The vampire lowered his Crimson Lightning unwillingly. His lips formed a very stressed and unnerved: What do you want!

"Just consider this, Mr. Myotismon. If you kill me now, the probability that you will retrieve your bats will shrink to zero!" Myotismon's eyes narrowed to slits.

"And that is supposed to mean what?" The man brushed the dirt from his business suit with a superior smile. And answered very slow and self-confident.

"It means, Mr. Myotismon that with good conduct of yours, you may probably get them back, if we come to the decision that you are able to bare the responsibility that comes along with having endangered animals as your pets!" The man fetched some sheets of paper out of his suit and showed them to Myotismon.

"This is the official standard contract, you may sign here, here, here and here." Myotismon grabbed the sheets and flicked through them, the expression on his face darkened. Reluctantly he drew his signature, hissing curses through clenched teeth.

"Well that's the most hieroglyphic handwriting I've ever seen!" The man folded the contract disapproving, let it glide into his suit's inner pocket and disappeared as fast as he had come. Myotismon turned round glaring at the digi-destineds. Steadily he paced towards Gatomon. Seeing this obvious menace, she digivolved onto ultra level.

"Angewomon!" Myotismon said with a derisory undertone in his voice.

"Angewomon..." He recapitulated, this time not so derisory... He stood now directly in front of the angelic digimon, she saw her reflection in his blue eyes and clenched her fists.

"Angewomon... You've got to console me!" He snivelled winding his arms around her and pressing his face against her bosom.

"AAAAHHHH! Get off from me, you perverted!"


	2. fluffy and cute

Chapter two: fluffy and cute

"Can't we just.. well... go away and let him kick the bucket?" Tai asked demandingly into the round of digidestined who discussed what to do about Myotismon now. That one meanwhile crouched in a corner, his chin on his knees and his arms wrapped around himself, swaying back and forward and mumbling to himself like someone in the closed ward of a lunatic asylum...

"I'm a good digimon... I'll have 'em back... I'm a good digimon... I'm a good digimon..." Sora looked away from this heap of misery and back to their friends.

"Of course not Tai! He's such a poor little helpless tot." Everyone recoiled.

"Well, I think we can let him stay with us for a while. What life-threatening could happen!" Joe seriously considered. Everyone recoiled. Mimi turned to Myotismon.

"You're not bad, are you Myo?" The vampire looked up with his big blue eyes full of tears and a facial expression like a pleading puppy.(_all girls: aaawww!)_

"Where are my bats? I can't sleep without my bats... I need something to cuddle… mommy..." His voice had a rather infantile touch.

"Oh cute! He thinks I'm his mommy! I'll get you something to cuddle, my sugar-cake!" Mimi chirped and ran away. Meanwhile Myo stuck his thumb into his mouth and started sucking on it.

"What's that with him?" Matt asked, slightly annoyed.

"I suppose the bereavement of something exceedingly essential for an individual may initiate a psychological traumata eminent enough to instigate a reversion onto a pre-pubescent stadium of evolution..." Joe mused when Myotismon started to weep heartbreaking. "Oh brilliant Joe, you made him blubber! By the way, can you translate that?" Tai nagged. Joe took his typical 'I'm sulky now'-face and turned away from Tai.

"It means the bat-boy's gone batty 'cos he lost his bats!" Matt uttered as suddenly everyone felt a stinging ache in their ears.

"What the 4k is this?" Tai screamed, distorting his face. He looked to Myotismon _(as that one had always been the source of trouble) _who seemed to be still crying though nothing was to be heard from him. "Highly frequent sound waves! We can't hear them but our hearing still registers them. Did you forget? He's a bat! That means up to 100 000 hertz." Izzy shouted back at him as all covered their ears. Their luck that Mimi had currently returned with really cute, fluffy white bunnies.

"Here Myo, tell me if you need something else, my pretty." She said patting Myotismon's blonde head. He merrily clasped the bunnies and smooched with them.

"So what now? Do we sit here and play sitter for this overgrown urchin? I think we should hack into the WWF's program and free his bats before he'll need to be swaddled." Everyone agreed into Izzy's plan, beside of Kari. _(Tai fainted...)_ "You shouldn't talk about him in that way. He's a big boy... Though terribly cute because he's so helpless and weak like a little newborn bunny… Speaking of bunnies… where're those?" Everyone looked at Myotismon who still sat in his corner with innocent eyes.

"Myo my little pale blue cookie, where are your little bunnies?" Mimi asked with a voice that oozed of friendliness.

"Hopped away…" Motismon answered mournful… _( wiping blood from the corner of his mouth and hiding something fluffy and white, with crushed napes, behind his back.)_

"Oh that's so sad Myotismon… Shall I snuggle you?" Kari suddenly proposed. That was too much for Gatomon.

"Now what the hell is going on here? Why are you all so friendly to him? Did you forget? He killed my sex-toy—uhm… ° - I mean my good friend Wizardmon! And tried to kill us all, more then once!" The little cat pouted.

"You're just jealous because he would never cuddle you, pussy-cat!" Mimi scoffed, lying in Myotismon's arms next to Kari and Sora.

"What! I'd never let myself being cuddled by that goat-rapist! He's a wanker!" Gatomon shouted, trying to drag Kari out of the vampire's arms.

"Now now, Gatomon why so offensive. Don't you believe they could like me because I'm a nice 'mon?" Myotismon whispered, slowly regaining his more adult composure. _(thanks to the "bunny-carnage")_

"Never! They're just with you because of your---"

"Charming personality?"

"No!"

"Sonorous voice?"

"No!"

"Breathtaking blue eyes?"

"No!"

"Sexual attraction?"

"NO!"

"Opaque, misapprehended soul?

"What? NO!"

"My incredible nimbleness between the sheets?" (_spoiled grin by Myotismon and the authoress)_

"… Gatomon digivolve to Angewomon!"

"Whoah!"

"Meow! Proof that last argument! Purr!" Angewomon sneaked closer to Myo while the girls glared at her.

"Sorry, but this fanfiction is not rated high enough. But you can ask the authoress for a private version…" Angewomon disenchanted de-digivolved back onto champion level, while Myotismon was still grinning in a very spoiled way. _(like the authoress when she draws Myo-yaoi-pics!)_

"Kari! Now get away from that jerk!" Tai shouted at her. "Mimi, Sora! Leave him! He's a monster!" But the girls only clasped him tighter. "Don't dare speaking like this of our noble master Myotismon!" They squeaked. The boys gaped in shock. Myotismon interfered.

"Well technically he's right… I'm a digital monster, my loves!"

"Get away from him, Kari, or I'll tell Mum and Dad!" Tai begged his little sister.

"Oh your parents confess being your parents!" Myotismon scoffed at him. "Oh that was rude… I ought to say I'm sorry… Nah!"

Tai's jaw flapped open. "Hey! You should be quiet you Grisly-Wing-impotent bastard." That hit a sore spot. The vampire was sulky. "Come on my brides. We're not wanted here! Let us leave this uncomfortable place." He said wrapping his cape around Sora, Kari and Mimi. The five boys ran towards him. "Since when are they your brides you pedophilic polygamist?" Myotismon laughed maniacally. "Since most of the famous vampires have three brides!" With that he and the girls vanished into thin air. The eighth digimon and the boys gaped at the empty area.

"Brilliant! And what are we going to do now?" Joe muttered. "Keeping to my original plan and then exchange Myotismon's bats for our girls…" Izzy supposed.


	3. Tuesday

Chapter three: Tuesday

_A/N: Warning this is going to be rated M and I will be an evil bitch in the eyes of those who dare not to imagine Myo being gay or bi… One part of this chap is inspired by ? pics by the name "No pain, no gain!"(though the other way round XD ) And the whole time(chap 1 and 2) I forgot to tell you that the kids are actually their age of season two! Sorry… Had to make them that old for… you'll see…_

"Well ladies. Feel like at home." Myotismon said throwing his cape over an ebony armchair with red velvet upholstery.

"Ok!" Sora cheered, slumped herself onto the couch, stripped of her shoes and placed her feet on the small table nearby. "You've got a really nice shed, Myo!" She said stretching. Myotismon raised an eyebrow. "I said **feel**, don't **behave** like at home…"

"Hey Myo, where do you keep the spirits?" Mimi asked looking around. Kari giggled. "Wrong series Mimi, that's Frontier and Lucemon!"

"I'd recommend you not to use this name in my house!" Myotismon suddenly growled and the girls looked at him. "Why not?" Mimi asked curious and smiled at the grumpy vampire. "Familial matters…" Myotismon hissed and finished this conversation though grumbling to himself. "Damn six-winged fucker pinching LadyDe from me…on our wedding day!" Mimi shrugged. "O-kay… Anyway… Now where do you keep the **real** spirits, Myo?"

"Forget it girl! You're too young for alcohol, if you get drunk you'll probably be lecherous and yielding… hmm…_(considers the just said) _ Over there in the black cupboard!" He motioned with a sly smile. While the girls rummaged through his stock of booze Myo sat down in his armchair thinking about what to do with them now… "My three best friends!" Mimi screamed cheerful. The vampire listened up and looked around. How could the other digidestineds have followed? But then he realized the digidestined of sincerity was still at the cupboard. "Jim, Jack and Johnny!" She squeaked and carried three bottles to the sofa.

"Whew! Myo! Wine, schnapps, whiskey, vodka, brandy, sherry, beer, liquor… And some stuff I don't even know the name of? Are you an alcoholic!" Sora asked with curiosity. He smiled grim. "You know, if there are at least eight people who want to kill you, life can be a bit depressing!" All the girls screamed: "Awww poor Myo!" And jumped over to hug him. "Oy get of, will ya!" He scowled, slightly disturbed by the lot of love. When suddenly they all heard a knocking and looked over to a black wooden door into which a bat-symbol was carved. The door opened and Piedmon popped his head into the room. "Myo, big boy. I'm waiting here since an hour and…" Suddenly the clown turned silent seeing the girls still assembled on the vampire, Sora nibbling at his ear, Mimi moving her hand up and down his well muscled chest _(under his shirt!)_ and Kari playing with his blond hair strands…

… deadly silence…

"What's this about Myo? It's Thursday! Our Thursday boy! Remember?" Piedmon asked slightly sulky. Myotismon's eyes widened in shock and he got up from the armchair. Girls randomly hitting the floor with three loud THUDs… "Dammit! Thursday! Forgot that, sorry! But it's not yet time, is it!" He said stripping his glove to look at his wrist. "Darn! Three hairs past artery! You're right!" He winced and put on his glove again. "Girls!" He said turning to the female digidestineds which shot loathing glares at Piedmon. "Excuse me for a moment! … Uhm… Make it yourself comfortable while I'm off!" At this moment Sora had opened another door and screamed in bliss. "Chicks! Myo's got a Jacuzzi!" Myotismon sweat dropped (_the good old anime way!)_ While the girls ran of to test the fun. He heard their subdued voices behind the closed door. "Uh what's that crimson button for?"

"Yikes! That's blood!"

"So Piedmon… Any plans?" The vampire said turning to the clown and followed him through the black door with the bat symbol… into his bedroom…

"Of course! Look what I got from Sadomon's shop!" The clown grinned closing the door behind Myotismon. "Barbed handcuffs, lovely! But let's keep at the old toys as well…" The vampire retorted and crimson sparks flared up at his fingertips. "As you demand master!" Piedmon said and let himself fall onto Myotismon's closed coffin which stood in the middle of a four poster without a mattress. "So I do slave!" The vampire chuckled and fixed Piedmon's wrists against the posts with the handcuffs, licking the blood that immediately began to ooze. The hell-clown groaned in enjoyment. Then Myotismon took his own two belts and fixed Piedmon's legs to the other posts. Now the clown was a completely helpless victim. "So Piedmon, you were defeated by the digidestineds!" Myotismon asked towering over his plaything in his full seven feet of height. "Yes master! Please don't punish me!" Piedmon winced theatrical. "Looser! Failure! Now I will cause you pain and suffering!" Myotismon hollered with a manically evil laugh. "I'm going to torture you so slowly you'll think it's a career!" And whipped down his Crimson Lightning onto the clown. "Now how do you like this, slave?" He shouted and Piedmon screamed, as the energy burnt his clothes to bits. "MORE! MORE!… I mean… OW! OW! Trump Sword!" And his swords darted out of their sheaths and slashed Myotismon's shirt apart.

"How dare you attack me, whipping boy! That means vengeance!" The half naked vampire yelled leaping forwards and landed with straddled legs on Piedmon. His crotch only inches away of the clown's. He stripped off his gloves and drew his fingernails over the mega-levels chest, leaving bloody scrapes. "OW! YES! Go on! UH YEAH!" The clown groaned as the vampire bowed forward ramming his fangs into his victim's neck. At his thigh Myotismon could now **feel **that Piedmon was highly enjoying their game…_ (A/N: I'm a spoiled little bitch!)_ "My! More impressive than Angemon's rod!" Myotismon chuckled and was about to **'sit down'** when a pestering voice resounded from the just opened door… "Ey boss I'm going to do the weekly purchase and wanted to ask whether you…" DemiDevimon's voice turned slower with every syllable. "… need… some...things…?" He goggled at his master, who was in an unambiguous position, on Piedmon, who just grinned from one ear to the other…

… deadly silence…

Then Myo bowed backwards _(bloody movable the little queer!)_ grabbed one of Piedmon's boots and hurled it at DemiDevimon, knocking him out. "Lockable doors! That's what I need!" The vampire growled and returned to his undertaking…

One hour later the girls were bored of the Jacuzzi and returned to the unliving room _(Yikes bad puns! I'm outtie!)_, annihilating Myo's alcoholWhen the black door with the bat-symbol opened and Myotismon walked out of the room behind it, with slightly rosy cheeks _(and a new shirt),_ skimming his blond hair back. "Hi Myo. What were Piedmon and you doing in there?" Kari asked innocently. The vampire startled. He hadn't noticed the girls. "Ehm… we… uh… were plotting evil plans for your destruction…" He lied turning round for hastily closing the door and his zipper. _(Question: Do his trousers even have one?… INSERT "There's something about Mary – hair gel - Joke" HERE!)_

"Uh you are so wicked, Myotismon! I love that!" Sora squeaked with dreamy eyes, not knowing how wicked Myotismon actually had been a few minutes ago. She stumbled, fell against him and slung her arms around his neck. "Yeah you're so evi-evilly… you tiny blue cookie man!" He raised an eyebrow but then smelled her breath. "Child! You're totally inebriated!" He said placing her on the sofa. "Naw she ishn't!" Mimi muttered at him, waving with an half emptied bottled of Vodka. "Oy'm more sh… shmashed shan her! You sherk!"

"Myo you fucker! Don't think I didn't notice the way you looked at her!" Sora then yelled from the sofa in a voice of envy. "Hish cock'sh mine!" Mimi barked and attacked Sora like a wild fury. The drunken girls bit each other, yelled at each other, scratched, dragged at their hair, and ripped their clothes apart in their frenzy. Everything belonging to a good catfight. For a moment Myotismon watched them… He liked the vision of blood running over their naked skin. But then decided to interfere. "Ladies! Ladies! There's enough of me for all of you!" He said with arms wide open. The wild cats looked up and then clasped around Myo's legs, purring. Kari was envy now as well, but Myo petted her head so she did not attack the others. "Jeeze…" He sighed. Herding those girls was probably worse than every fight he had against them. But he liked their warm bodies swathing his…

Meanwhile the male digidestineds and their digimon were highly worried about their fellows. "Izzy! For Christ's sake! Hurry up! Why haven't you hacked into their system yet?" Tai yelled at the red haired boy shaking him at the shoulders. "Say it don't spray it! I'm working on it!"

"Calm down Tai! He's doing the best he can!" Matt said giving him a headnut. "I can't!" Tai screeched walking a furrow into the ground. "He'll hurt Kari! I know it! And he'll force Sora to do nauseating, unnatural and perverted things! I know it!" The wanna-be leader of the group was now grabbing Joe at his collar and snarled at him. "I know he'll dress them in bat costumes of black leather and force them to be his minion bats! And they'll have to do all he wants! In all languages our series was translated to! Especially FRENCH!" Joe pushed up his glasses and mumbled to himself. "What I think and do, I believe others to do too…" Gladly Tai didn't hear it as he was moving over to Izzy again. "Hurry up you nerdy bastard or I'll kick a football up your ass!" Now this was the moment Matt pulled out his Smithon & Western, loaded with narcotic bullets and shot Tai down. "Thanks man!" Izzy said. "After all I'm using Win XP!"

_I know it's crap but with some nice views at Myo…Was a bit bored of writing at the end of it… to be continued! And thanks ? for reviewing! Keep doing so!_


End file.
